I started blogging in 1999, the year I started my sophomore year of high school (nearly 17 years ago, friends). I was so open about everything as a teenager, while having a happy, positive attitude that eventually turned sour and was too opinionated, costing me friendships I held dear. People would scrutinize my blog so that they could find something wrong about my life to mock, but I found a lot of encouragement through that time even with the mockery in between. And I sift.
I find that as I have matured, I type a lot less about my life and a lot less people respond or even pay attention. I see all the blog hits, but I barely get comments. I am so confused. I am one who loves to communicate with people. I like knowing what they think of me, but at the same time I want them to like me for being me. I actually am one who needs reassurance in my life and encouragement. I love to reassure and encourage others in return. It is who I have become. I am not one who has ever wanted to be like others but I find it so easy to respect and enjoy people for their differences.
People used to ask me for advice a lot, but now I am at an age where I get little to no advice from others and need it.
I was a lonely child and would give myself advice in the mirror. I find myself doing that again lately when Rob is not home. I’ll talk to God and then give myself responses that I figure He’d tell me as a kind but stern loving father. In my teen years everyone had advice for me and I was so wanting it so I could become this great adult that I had planned out. My teenage goals and dreams did come true and I am living that dream, but that doesn’t mean I have it all together at all.
When I was 12 I couldn’t wait to be 24. I used to think “24 is the perfect age!” Now I am 32 and I’m going, “Where did you go, 24?”
In my twenties everyone had so much advice for me because I was still pretty new at married life and just starting parenting (I was 24 and pregnant with Micah in the picture on the left here with Leto as a toddler). Everyone wants to tell you how you should or shouldn’t live when you hit your twenties.
I have so many questions. So many people have shown me that they don’t have any advice to offer me, and I need it. My thirties are showing me that some of my peers don’t know what to do for me when I have been in need, giving them a loud cry for help. People started to just look at me with blank stares and eventually walked away from my life. The ones that have stuck around have been a large encouragement to me, and I am glad they haven’t run away.
“A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” -Proverbs 18:24
Why do I even still have a blog after all these years?
I have all these posts in draft mode that just sit there.
I think I have considered my blog a close friend that I can’t give up. It is a comfort even though these days are quiet.
Rob just asked me, “Thinking about ending your blog?”
There is nothing to think about. It is here to stay, but are you, reader? Then communicate with me.
I will write about my life here, problems, joys, love, and all.
